Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's shark week go big or go home
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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