I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
