Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
