I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
