can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
