i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize