so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
