I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
