just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Drake has all the answers
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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