Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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