I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
