Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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