I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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