connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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