with your own penis?
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
