I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
