Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
