Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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