The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is the high leading the old right now
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
