i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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