mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This baby is an asshole
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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