Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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