I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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