I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
