K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
