are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
