he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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