Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
