I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
