Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize