First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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