who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
