Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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