youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize