True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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