Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
