I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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