margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
