I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
