Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
