New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
