3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
