OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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