i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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