Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
