I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
