Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
