I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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