I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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