OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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