I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
wow bdsm is so cute
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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