I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
its not stalking. its research.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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