Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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