Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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