When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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