I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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