There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We are all done wearing pants today
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
