I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
