Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
