how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
