I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
