I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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