I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
