I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize