Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
