Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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