I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
