that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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